Thursday, April 10, 2014

Obamanable Traffic!

Howdy, Mr. President, and thank you for the abominable traffic jams today.  Or shall we say "Obamanable traffic."  They have all the streets closed around a hotel downtown.  But I'm guessing you aren't really there.  Maybe that's where the press corp is staying, but not POTUS and FLOTUS.  When I have important visitors come to town, I'm sending them to the Hotel Zaza, Hotel Icon, or The Lancaster.  Not the Holiday Inn, even if it's the Crowne Plaza.

I'm guessing you aren't there mainly because the traffic was at a standstill throughout Montrose early evening. We sat bumper to bumper on Richmond, West Alabama and Westheimer after work. Houston must be paying overtime to half the police department today.  Is this part of your jobs recovery plan?  'Cause I don't think the traffic congestion helped your Climate Action plan on this sunny and mild ozone alert day.  We couldn't inch forward half a block without seeing at least one police car.  Actually, po po have been buzzing all over Southampton the last two days, Erik Estrada-like, and they were obviously not there to stop Ashby Highrise.  Here's a little video of your evening, with mention of our traffic.

Erik Estrada
                                  Houston Police Department reveals the new image for future HPD patrol vehicles  outside Houston Police Department Headquarters in Downtown on Monday, July 2, 2012, in Houston.  HPD tested vehicles for the new patrol cars, along with the new black and white color scheme and logo design. Photo: Mayra Beltran, Houston Chronicle / © 2012 Houston Chronicle

The news says you're in town to raise money for the Democrats.  Wasn't that thoughtful of the Mostyns to have a little soiree for you?  Steve Mostyn is the youngest president ever of the Texas Trial Lawyers' Association. He also made Texas Monthly's top 25 most powerful Texans a few years back--as "Democratic megadonor."  They're calling him Hurricane Mostyn and his (and his wife's) Category 5 wallet is apparently bearing down on Austin during state legislative sessions.  Amber Mostyn is "the Wealthy Woman Behind Wendy Davis"--you know Wendy, right?  Our Texas-big-haired-blonde-pink-shoes-filibustering-pro-choice-and-now-running-for-governor Wendy Davis?  And who needs George Soros when you've got Amber Mostyn?

Amber and Steve Mostyn
Wendy Davis

 I wish I'd bought a ticket to their parent social at the kids' school auction!  Oh, wait, the Mostyns seem to have foregone the public school route.  Hmm . . . that's too bad.  We've got a cool school.  Mr. President, I guess you can tax those 1%-ers, whether Democrat or Republican, but forget about making them send their kiddos to public school.

Your other Democratic meal ticket tonight was John Eddie Williams, also a plaintiff's personal injury lawyer.  He and wife Sheridan had a little swank-an-dia at their River Oaks abode for you, Nancy Pelosi, our Mayor, and Sheila Jackson Lee (I guess stepping in front of you at every single State of the Union Speech paid off).  The NY Times is reporting an intimate dinner for 70 in the $17 million, 26,000-square foot home ("resembles a resort hotel, complete with five fireplaces, a swimming pool and an elevator").  Ticket price?  $64,000 a couple.

How nice that John Eddie is really helping the candidates, huh?  (Unlike Dallas's primo trial lawyer, Fred Baron, who spent his last days gallivanting about to hide Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards' pregnant, freaky mistress, Rielle Hunter.)  John Eddie and Steve Mostyn are super, super busy--they're working with these conservative-sounding political action committees to funnel money Democrats' way.  I mean, screw the Koch Brothers and their "Americans for Prosperity!"  John Eddie and Mostyn have got "Texans for Family Values."  Does Texas for Family Values give money to Wendy Davis?

Sheridan and John Eddie Williams at the annual Bayou Bend Garden Party Sunday April 7, 2013.(Dave Rossman photo)   16 Sheridan Williams - Catherine Regehr at the Opera Ball April 2014  Lady Sheridan, owned by John Eddie Williams

Seems like we're more likely to see Sheridan Williams in the society pages than political circles.  Why, I saw her (and John Eddie) just this past weekend at the Opera Ball.  She's a CultureMap favorite.  Doesn't she look a lot like Wendy Davis in these pictures?  Careful!  Don't want to start a conspiracy theory amongst the Taliban-faction of the Tea Party.  Let's instead focus on the yacht that John Eddie bought and named the Lady Sheridan.  They renewed their wedding vows on it just last June while cruising the French Riviera.

"That's living high on the hog," as my yellow-dog-Democrat grandma used to say.  Or, given our current economy and the country's state of play, perhaps we'll just leave it with "Well, that's just an Obama-nation."